I have one daughter and two sons. We do what we can to keep them building the habit of being active. Not just official sports either – family hikes and rides, zombie tag at the park, even the occasional hour or two of water gun tag on rainy days. (If they’re going to get muddy, might as well go all out. And be out there with them.)

With the boys, it’s to keep them from having a 24/7 couch potato mentality. With the girl, it’s more complicated. The attitudes of other little girls play a big part in her image, no matter what I do. Last year, when she said she wouldn’t wear her pink parka – which she loved – because it made her look fat, it really hit home. No matter how slender and strong she might be, one little remark from a classmate wipes away her self-confidence.

Even if I don’t know the “perfect” mix of praise, encouragement and pushing to instill healthy habits and a good sense of self in my kids, it is really encouraging to read what all of you have to say. I guess it’s that old saying about sharing a trouble cuts it in half.

And for people without children sharing experiences and giving advice about raising kids? This isn’t like trying to tell a mom how to put her toddler to bed. On children, moms and body image – if you once were a kid with a mom – you’re qualified.

I dont, however, understand this remark:

Sure, it ups your odds, but it also ups your odds that during that age range your child will only see you as self absorbed.

I read blogs all the time where overweight women blame their weight (and inability to loose weight) on their mothers. I’ve been surprised that the number of women who say that they are unable to lose weight because their mothers care of their own bodies. Many of these women have posted things like that they wanted their moms in the morning, but moms were out running, or that the mothers didn’t give them candy and snacks like other moms, making them obsessed with candy or snacks in later life.

One post in particular (the morning running mom, who left it to dad to get the kids together in the morning) was described as “self absorbed” but quite a few of the other writers said similar things: that the moms who were taking care of themselves weren’t placing the kids first, and that caused irreparable harm.

I have a lot of trouble with that kind of concept. People who’ve had relatively normal childhoods (and yes that means working moms, divorce, some conflict in the family, and all that… we don’t live in June Cleavers world) can’t take responsibility for what they are.

Now there are genuinely dysfunctional families out there: Families where there is extreme alcoholism, physical and sexual abuse… families torn apart by domestic violence, and kids who’ve had tough times because of displacement by natural disaster. I’d say those individuals have some scars from their past.

But I also think that a lot of “My mother did… or didn’t” is an excuse for people who don’t want to grow up and take responsibility for their own lives.

Carla, I may BE fat because I was a sexually abused child, but I STAYED fat because I didn’t develop the self discipline and self love to lose weight. There comes a point in our lives when we have to say “I’m my own person, I am what I make me”. There comes a time when we have to GROW UP.

That may happen for different people at different times.

My point is, no matter what we do in our lives, there are going to be times when our kids think that we aren’t doing enough for them. When we get divorced, they don’t see that you’ve gotten them away from an abusive alcoholic, they see that you’ve broken the family. When you take care of yourself, they see that you’re spending time away from them. When you feed them healthy foods you’re depriving them of the experiences their peers have with food.

That DOESN’T mean you stop doing it, because at some point (when they grow up) they’ll also realize that these WERE, after all, the right things to do, and they’ll have the toolbox they need to continue their lives.

The fact that it may take decades for your child to fully understand the decisions you make about their health and well being doesn’t mean you should stop making the decisions.

Recently, I took my younger three kids (Isabella-3, Connor – 2, Cameron – 6 months) to the doctors for Camereon’s immunizations. It was a really long walk (about 2 miles). I used the double stroller and figured that, when Bella got tired from walking, she could trade places with Connor and let him walk while she rode for a while.

She surprised me by walking the whole way there and all the way back without complaint. I made sure to compliment her on how strong she was and how healthy the walking was for her. She beamed with pride by the time we got home.

Kids need to hear feedback that doesn’t involve their looks (although I do love to tell my nieces how cute they look all dressed up).

its easy to forget how good sponges they are!

- Provided an example of overcoming obstacles. My dad overcame alcoholism and my mom overcame anorexia. My husband’s and my big challenge is finding a good food-activity balance for being healthy and enjoying life. Oh, and living with diabetes for me.

- Provided example of making healthy food choices, perhaps even more than I realize. My mom in particular shared my love of veggies, salads, fruits, and healthy dairy, but she also loved her some Haagen-Dasz now & then. All of my parents prepare healthy, balanced meals…I can’t recall sitting down with any of them and not having at least one cooked fresh vegetable on the table.

- Provided example of “being particular” about what you order in a restaurant. My mom didn’t care for meat, and she often ordered an array of veggie side dishes for her entree. She also ordered salad dressing on the side long before it was “the norm.” With restaurant food being not the most portion-friendly, I’m putting a lot of what I saw her doing into practice.

- Most importantly, they all fostered the attitude that I could do anything I set my mind to doing. I think they did this through valuing my accomplishments at school and supporting my extra-curricular activities. With our kids, we read with them, encourage them to do well at school (and praise their accomplishments), and support their doing activities they enjoy. They both enjoy taking dance class; our son enjoys taking sports classes…lower key, I feel, than kids’ sports leagues.

Hmmm, regarding praising their looks…I think it’s fine to praise their looks, but I think it needs to be balanced with praising their actions, too…when they do something kind or accomplish something.

We’re also very important with our daughter that she knows that looks are not the most important thing, but being beautiful on the inside and working hard at school. She’s been figure skating since she was 4 years old and she hasn’t met a sport she doesn’t like, so she’s often found outside with her friends playing tennis or basketball in the driveway. I once caught her and 1 friend playing wiffleball in the driveway. Since there were only two of them, when one of them hit the ball, the next one was up to bat, LOL!