Fri, Aug 17, 2012
Im a tremendous fan of Mara‘s. She’s wise beyond her years. She lives her life OUT LOUD and entirely authentically. She’s one of those rare women you meet OFFLINE and discover she’s even more amazing in person. This post is
at my demandby request. I think we all need more Medicinal Marzipan in our lives. And yeah. By that I do mean READ HER BOOK.
At one point in my life I felt unapologetically broken. Every morning, I went to battle with my body like my life depended on it, completely coming apart at the seams.
I tried bribery: you can have dessert IF and only IF you…
I tried blatant punishment: you are absolutely disgusting! If you do not… you are not going to be able to go out with your friends tonight.
I tried reasoning, laced with an edge of self-loathing: look, let’s get real, you are repulsive. But! You do have a couple of OK qualities mixed in! Now if you could only lose 50 pounds you’d be back on track.
I tried validating myself: Well, maybe if you can get ____ to make out with you, then (maybe) you will be worth something. Maybe.
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you what happened next. And by next, I mean, over a fifteen year period of my life, where I continued to be deeply immersed in the ever-presence of my absolute, unwavering belief that I would be worthless until I “got skinny.” I put my life on pause, firmly holding the button down, until my self-imposed conditions for “living” were met – hot, smart, loved, popular. Then, and only then, would my life begin.
When I started writing about my body, I filled pages and pages of the type of self-destructive messages above. I wrote about every single moment that I had been made to feel less than. I wrote about all of the bad stuff that happened, the stuff I didn’t dare talk about out loud, just in case someone hadn’t realized the size of my body.
I lived in terror of drawing attention to myself, to my size, to my desperate inability to rid myself of the flesh that followed me around like a nagging enemy.
But through my dedication to writing down those things I had been stuffing down with food, mistaken “love,” and promises to be better next time, I found that slowly I was freeing myself from my own self-imprisonment.
Through writing down these stories – I was able to hold them in my hands, molding them into narratives that I was proud of, narratives to inspire thousands of other women to dig deep and not be afraid of what they found lurking in their subconscious.
Writing about my body changed my life.
In 2009, I set out to create a series of writing prompts for my readers to reconnect with their bodies, utilizing many of the assignments that had been so useful for me over the years. But what started in 2009, grew and grew, once I realized: It was not about my body.
It was about me. It was about what I thought I deserved out of my life. It was about what I believed that I was worth.
This week, I have launched the transformation of the series of posts – a sparkly new offering, Body Loving Homework: Creative Writing Prompts for Cultivating Self-Love – one part ebook, one part digital anthology, and one part self-study journey into the deep + dark recesses of your heart.
The how-to manual for using writing to reconnect with your body – and yourself.
It may feel like it’s all about your body. It may feel like it’s about shedding pounds or adding muscle or wearing your favorite dress again, but I assure you, it is about so much more.
It’s about YOU. How you live your day. What you’ve come to expect from your relationships. What you need out of your job. What kind of parent you want to be. Who you need to forgive to be able to let go.
It’s about giving yourself the support + space to dream.
It’s about cultivating a new reality, one that is perfectly fit for you instead of one that you feel like you need to make yourself small to crawl into.
It’s about what you deserve out of your life.
Mara Glatzel is a self-love coach + clinical social worker, and she works with women who are ready to create the lives they want — and deserve. She’s also a writer, and her blog — Medicinal Marzipan — has inspired thousands of women to heal their relationships with their bodies, and treat themselves with relentless compassion. Catch up with her on facebook, twitter, or join her body-loving mailing list for bi-monthly secret swapping and insider news.